The Story of Abby

Abby's story actually begins 2 years before she was born. Matt and I decided we were ready to start a family. Two months later a positive pregnancy test and ridiculous amounts of morning sickness made us incredibly happy. The doctor had us come in at 8 weeks for the first checkup and sonogram. Everything looked great so they sent us to the sono tech. I held my breath as the tech took a few pictures, and as I looked at the screen I just started to cry. It looked like a black hole. The tech didn't say anything, just sent us back to an exam room. By that point I was bawling and Matt didn't understand why. I told him there was no baby... I was certain something was wrong. Dr. W came in and confirmed my worst fears. She said I had a "blighted ovum"; essentially the sac attaches and grows but the baby never develops. Dr. W decided I needed to have a D&C as there was no sign that my body would miscarry naturally, after all I was 2 months into the pregnancy and my levels were still going up. Dr. W said this was a good sign for the next pregnancy; I took it to mean that my body wanted a baby as much as my heart did. So, we endured the heartbreak of a D&C. Then we decided that we would wait a year to try again so my body and our hearts could recover.
A year later we saw the beautiful + sign on the pregnancy test. We called Dr. W and she had us come in at 5 weeks to make sure everything was okay. We went into the sonogram room and we saw another empty black screen. We were devastated. Dr. W said that she would run the bloodwork and call the next day. She also let us know that blighted ovum rarely occured twice in a row and there was a chance our DNA just didn't match up, and we could pursue genetic testing. We both went to work the next morning. Crazy, yes, but I couldn't just sit and wait for the phone to ring. Dr. W said she'd call and if my hormone levels were near 10,000 then they definitely should have seen the baby. There was hope though- if they were below 10,000 then we might have just had the dates wrong and it was too early for a sono.
Dr. W called the next morning. She said, "I'm so sorry, but your levels are at 32,000. There's no way we wouldn't have seen a baby." Then she said we could go ahead and schedule another D&C for the next day. Then the most incredible thing happened. Without speaking first to Matt, without even knowing what I was saying, I asked, "I know our chances aren't great with our history, but could I just wait 2 weeks and see what happens?" Dr. W said she was fine with me waiting, she wanted me to feel comfortable, and hopefully I could miscarry naturally during that time. My friends at work surrounded me and we had an impromptu prayer session in the middle of the hallway. So much for no prayer in schools, huh?
The next 2 weeks were terrible. I had horrible all-day morning sickness, to the point that they gave me a medication they give to chemo patients (I had the same experience the previous year) and I would go home every night and cry and ask Matt why I was going through this hell when we wouldn't have a baby at the end of it. Matt was so patient, so trusting, so faithful. He comforted me and then when the 2 weeks were almost up, he helped me call and schedule a D&C for Friday.
Matt and I went to Dr. W on a Thursday afternoon. We were the last people in the waiting room. We paid our copay for the hospital and the surgery. We were given pre-op instructions. We were scheduled for a D&C for 9 the next morning. The sono tech took us back so that they could make sure everything looked the same and so that Dr. W would know how to proceed with the surgery. It was the same room and the same tech that had shown us black screens twice before. So, I refused to look at the screen. I was so ready to be done with the whole thing. She put the goop on my stomach and started moving the wand around. And then she said 4 words that changed our lives: "Have you been praying?" I said "Why?" at the exact time Matt said "Yes." Then she said "Because there's a baby there! Look!" I told her no. I wouldn't look at that screen again. So she said, "Fine. Then listen." And she turned a knob and the sound of a tiny heartbeat filled the room. Matt was crying. I was crying. The tech was crying. She went to get Dr. W. Dr. W came in and she was crying. I was so delirious that all I could say was, "We have a 9:00 appointment at the hospital." Dr. W told us we wouldn't be going the next day, we had about 7 more months.
They ran tests, and more tests, and more tests. Dr. W said she'd only seen this happen once before in her career. The dates weren't wrong. Abby was 7 weeks when they found her. I truly believe our Abigail is a miracle. The doctors didn't believe she existed. I didn't believe she existed. God knew. Thankfully He gave us the wisdom to wait on Him and the patience to wait for her.

Praise

Today was Abby's surgery to get ear tubes. Yes, I know lots of kids get them and it's a very simple procedure, but this was MY baby being put under anesthesia and taken away from me. Everything went wonderfully with the procedure. It was so fast we couldn't believe it! We walked away from her at 8:56 and at 9:08 they called for us to come join her in the recovery room. Barely time to worry- what an answer to prayer. Last night I just watched her and thought about how blessed we are to have her. It doesn't take a routine surgery to make me thankful for my beautiful little girl, but it definitely kicks up my gratitude a bit. I've decided that soon I will post "the story of Abby" for those that don't know just what a miracle it is for her to be here with us. In the meantime, let me share the best and worst parts of today with you:

The worst- apparently my little Abigail falls into the 15% that wake up "irritable" from anesthesia. "Irritable" is the nicest word you can use to describe it. Aggressive, violent, pissed-off, furious, and growling do it better justice. Luckily the anger only lasted about 30 minutes, but man, it was terrible while it lasted. To those that have mistakenly awoken me from a nap- this actually was worse than that!

The best- 1. every person that walked into the presurgery room commented on how sweet or smart or beautiful she is. The nurse's mouth fell open when she heard Abby talking to a stuffed frog and saying, "You are so cute. You are so, so, so cute froggie!" 2. after having medicine (narcotics I believe) shot up her nose to calm her down before anesthesia, Abby was sitting in a rocking chair with us and she looked at me with her drugged eyes and said, "Don't worry, Mommy." What have I done to deserve a 21 month old who comforts me when she's the one in pain?

Praise is all I have to give for this one.

Technology is such a disappointment

Okay- I'm not trying to turn this blog into only ramblings about "the good ole' days" but they do seem to be a frequent train of thought lately. Today I'm driving my little old pickup truck, thinking how beat up it is after 8 years, when I look down and notice that it's about to hit 104,000 miles. Not a major milestone, but still a chance to see all those numbers roll over at one time. (Warning: this next sentence is going to prove just how idiotic I am.) It took me watching my odometer for 2 miles 103,997-103,999 to realize- "This thing is electronic! There will be no rolling of numbers... It'll just be like my alarm clock in the morning." I was SO disappointed. I immediately remembered the joy of watching major mile numbers flip over in the 1988 buick boat that was my first car. Will Abby never experience that? Is that something that is so completely of the past that references to it will just die out? How sad. I took a good five minutes today to grieve for my baby girl and all the fun she's going to miss. Technology sucks. See Dean- this is just more proof that nothing really exists; turn off the car and you have no idea how many miles you've driven. At least with power windows you can still stick your feet out the window as you head to a barn party!

Passing of Time

So this week has shown how time flies in three distinct ways. #1- My birthday. I wished for a "do-over" of last year but that didn't seem to happen. #2- Capstone. Some of you have heard silence this week, some have heard screams. Both are a sign that I only have 3 days left to finish writing 2 of 3 papers for my capstone seminar. UNT calls it the capstone "experience"... who are they kidding? It's still 3 research papers in 7 days. Ridiculous. And #3- I distinctly remember being a kid and my grandparents asking me why I was carrying rocks around in my pockets. The funny thing is, that doesn't seem so long ago. Now, I have a daughter who comes home proudly showing off her collection of nature. I'm certain to find leaves in the dryer vent soon if I don't start checking her clothes more closely.