Blog on the Move

I'm moving the blog to a new home. After today, you can find us at:

http://snowberrylife.wordpress.com/

Jen- could you bring some snacks over to the new blog? :)

Balance

This week Abby and I had an appointment in Dallas where she was offered a modeling contract with an agency. I'm bouncing back and forth through all the emotions that I think are normal for this situation: excitement, pride, nervousness, amazement, and thankfulness.

But in the midst of all this chaos, I have had only one thought running circles in my head and my heart: Abby is beautiful.

Oh, of course I've always known she was cute, but I'm her mom. And let's be honest, sometimes mothers aren't the best judges. But now there's this worldly affirmation that she's pleasing on the eyes. And to be honest, it terrifies me.

I realize that I have to find a way to raise her and teach her and guide her into walking a very fine line.

Yes, I want her to always know that she's beautiful. To have that self-confidence I've always lacked. But I don't want her to focus on it. I don't want it to be her downfall.

I've always thought that the most beautiful women are the ones who are that way unknowingly. I want Abby to be that woman. To describe herself as spunky. Independent. Smart. Loving. Faithful. Honest. All the things she is that have nothing to do with how she looks.

It's going to be a long road. I'm open to advice. And prayer.

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30

Soaking It Up

We took advantage of the beautiful weather and had a picnic. Soft grass, crazy squirrels, some sticks, and a few huge trees all conspired to make Abby happy.

This is what a picnic escape looks like:

And if anyone out there knows who this beautiful bride is, let me know and I'll send her this picture. Abby looked up, saw her and screamed, "There is Sleeping Beauty!!!"

You still have God, and God is all.

"The richest nation in the world is America. We think we're in a recession, but still cars are coming out longer and bigger and looking more like juke boxes than ever. And there's more money in more bank accounts. They may make deductions from your paycheck, but after they've taken out everything you can think of, still the average fellow has more money than he used to."

"If you take the kingdom of God and His righteousness, God will add money to you- as much as you need. If you take the kingdom of God and His righteousness, God may send your way learning and art and music and other legitimate earthly loves. God may send it all to you and let you have it. But it is always with the understanding that He can take it away again and you won't grumble. You still have God, and God is all."

These words by A. W. Tozer seem to be directed at the world we're living in today. The author died in 1963. It never ceases to amaze me that the human condition is the same today as it was in each previous generation.

Kitchen Happiness

Two wonderful things found their way onto my counter tops today.

A ladybug (which made me believe that cold weather may finally be done) and some Sprinkles cupcakes (which just made me hungry).

A good day to hang out in my kitchen.

Future Gardener

The little one absolutely loves plants and flowers and dirt in general. We went to the Ft. Worth Botanical Gardens on Friday and I had to stop her from digging in all the flower beds.

Since I know personally how it feels to love plants and yet only be capable of killing them, I'm hoping she has inherited Granny's green thumb.

Facebook Overload

UNT just sent out an alumni email. The reason for the email? To let us all know that, "Starting today, you can receive your University of North Texas exclusive announcements, browse career and networking opportunities without ever leaving Facebook."

Everyone catch that? The without ever leaving Facebook part?!

I'm a fan of Facebook. I've wasted plenty of time there. I've reconnected with old friends. I've seen where old boyfriends are now and felt glad that I'm not with them. And I've pretended to know people just to up the friend count on my profile.

But after a few hours, I've always left Facebook. I didn't know there was an option to stay there forever.

This announcement makes me feel that Facebook has lost a little of its coolness. It's like running into your parents at your favorite high school hang out. If only the establishment was more selective. But then, I probably wouldn't have gotten in either.

Taste Buds

Abby awoke from her nap today and happened to notice a can of Pringles beside me on the couch. In case you are unaware, my child is a chip eating fool. She really can't eat just one. In fact, she always requests them in sets of three.

The only problem with her loving chips is that I love chips more. I try to eat them secretly but Abby always finds me. I'll be pretending to put clothes away in my closet, with the light off, and suddenly the door will fly open and there will be that little face. And with the face comes the words, "Mommy, I want three chips please." And to add insult to injury, she sticks out her tiny hand and shows me three perfect fingers.

But today I may have found the solution to my problem. You see, I bought Salt & Vinegar chips this time.

When Abby's eyes lit on that beautiful blue can, I selflessly said, "Mommy would give you a chip, but you won't like that type."

She looked up at me with a face that clearly said, "I wasn't born yesterday," and proceeded to pop the top.

Oh, I was nervous. I was fearful that Abby might eat them just to spite me. I was sweating it as she peeled back the paper that I'd left slightly attached. Drops of sweat beaded across my head when she peeked into the container.

But the moment I saw the aroma hit her nose, a smile burst across my face! She physically moved away from the can. Her eyes watered slightly. And best of all, she yelled, "YUCK!" as she hurried to replace the lid.

Sharing is sometimes overrated.

Field Trip!

Today was a great day for the zoo. So we packed up and headed to the animals. Well, two of the animals were traveling with us. Here are a few highlights:

Both Cate and Abby were happy to see the swans.

This sleepy bear seemed to be Cate's favorite.

A lion cub made Keri and me pretty happy. Look how fluffy and soft he looks! And yes, he is chewing a bone.

Cate seemed to be on the lookout when we were near birds. Totally understandable.

Abby and I absolutely loved watching this otter shoot through the water. (Ha! a rhyme!)

This pink guy was used as bait to get Abby near the exit. As in, "Let's go see the flamingos!"

And apparently being pushed around in a stroller is exhausting.

Life with Abby

This morning our darling child chose to wake up at 5 am. I say chose because since she did not go to bed until 10 last night, there's no way she woke up unintentionally. After trying to convince her that snuggling in the dark is a good thing, and that no, we can not read a dinosaur book when the sun is still sleeping, she went clomping around the house on her own. And yes, we let her. Because we've reached the point where we are willing to rid our house of anything nice, or economical baby-proofing as I like to think of it, so that she can roam free while we drift in and out of consciousness. As I tried to make just one eyelid lift a fraction of a centimeter, I heard Abby stomp through part of the house and say very loudly, "Oh! That's the stinky part! Lets take the other path." Did I jump out of bed to identify the "stinky" issue she'd found? Was I concerned about my child spending time alone near an unknown substance? Nope. All I did was shut my eye (only one was opening anyway) and think, "Stinky?! There's something stinky out there? I am absolutely not getting out of bed now. No way."

Just wanted to let you know that I'm removing my name from the mom of the year race. And for those of you who are concerned about the stink, it turned out to be a tiny piece of avocado that had fallen on the floor. Definitely not a reason to get out of bed.

The Desert

Those of you that know me well know that I've been wandering in the desert for a while now. It seems like I've been walking in circles and wondering where exactly the trail out can be found. It hasn't been a horrible experience, I've certainly had worse sojourns here, but it has been a time of internal solitude and a feeling of emotional isolation. There has been an eerie silence during my times of prayer. And I don't find it coincidental that a definition of solitude is "a lonely place (as a desert)".

All that to say that this morning I was reading in Psalms. And I ended up in Psalm 78. It's basically a summary of all the times that God's people turned from Him, or tested Him, or didn't trust in Him, and how He responded. Amazingly, the majority of the time His response was mercy. In reading this, a very specific section spoke to me. And it isn't a section about escaping the desert.

Here are these people in the desert, recently saved from their enemies, and God has actually made water flow from a rock to satisfy them. And here is their reaction:

¹⁹Then they spoke against God;
They said, "Can God prepare a table in the wilderness?
²⁰"Behold, He struck the rock so that waters gushed out,
And streams were overflowing;
Can He give bread also?
Will He provide meat for His people?"
²¹Therefore the LORD heard and was full of wrath;
And a fire was kindled against Jacob
And anger also mounted against Israel,
²²Because they did not believe in God
And did not trust in His salvation.
²³Yet He commanded the clouds above
And opened the doors of heaven;
²⁴He rained down manna upon them to eat
And gave them food from heaven.
²⁵Man did eat the bread of angels;
He sent them food in abundance.

So what about this history text broke me this morning? The fact that God was leading these people through the desert in order to reach a better land, and they were nothing but selfish and ungrateful. God brought forth water from a rock and yet they demanded more. They tested Him and questioned His abilities and His love.

I don't want to be like that. I'm going to trust that this desert is just a bridge to a better place. And more importantly, while I'm in this place, I'm going to spend some time being thankful for where I've been, where I am, where I'm going, and the water flowing from that rock. No bread or meat necessary.

Happy Valentine's Day!

This little girl is giddy with excitement about tomorrow. Hope you too enjoy the day with childlike enthusiasm!

The babies are coming! The babies are coming!

There are a ton of babies due to arrive late this spring. Although most of the little ones won't be seen until April or May, a dear friend has been put on bed rest with no guarantee that baby Caiden won't arrive much sooner than expected. So after quite a bit of time perusing fabric and contemplating gifts, today I managed to make a diapers/wipes case and a coordinating pacifier puff (thanks Keri!). And big brother Campbell needs something of his own while waiting to meet the new little man, so there is a crayon roll headed his way.

Crazy Kid

Most of you think Abby is a cute, sweet, calm child. You even think her birthday songs are just quirky. As much as we tell you otherwise, you refuse to believe us when we say she is often crazy. Oh sure, she does a great job of staying calm in public but she's faking you guys out. We know it. She knows it. It's about time you know it.

Last night Matt and I decided to get some proof that she's slightly off. So here is about 2 minutes of the 30+ minute routine that happened in our living room. Totally on her own. No provoking or leading. No interaction of any type in fact. Just pure untainted Abby.
(Mute the music at the bottom of the blog first.)

If I have a few free hours, I'll try to transcribe it for those of you who don't speak Abbyguese. But I can tell you that yes, she is saying "Please don't take it personally, but I am scared of you." Phrase courtesy of a Halloween Backyardigans from 3 months ago. The rest of the song, "When I'm knocking on the door..." is all her own composition.

Being A Mom Changes Everything!

It has been "icy" here the past few days (it's in quotes because about 30 of the past 48 hours were only icy in the weatherman's mind). And, as any person who has spent even a few days of the winter with me knows, when it's cold my plan of action is to hibernate. Not joking. I'd prefer to sleep through the cold weather. And when I can't sleep for another minute, I just want to stay under the blankets and read.

Surprise, surprise, my sweet little 2 year old doesn't find hibernation to be a reasonable option this winter. So the only thing I can think to do, to stay awake and indoors, is bake. As I've made both cheescake brownies and cinnamon streusel muffins within the last 12 hours, this baking is a troubling alternative. I need the weather to warm up before I eat so much that I can't fit through my door.

My Big Brother

just got a little bit older. Too bad... 35 seemed to suit him well.
I love you Bub.

The good news on the following video is Abby isn't singing out of the side of her mouth.
The bad news is she still shows no signs of tune or rhythm.

Weird

I don't know what this stuff is called technically. Abby and I call it disgusting. I do know that it means the water needs to start circulating in this fountain. And I also know if wasps and yellow jackets can't swim in it, or even get out of it, it's no good.

Amazing

i want to sit in the same room as this man. he amazes me. there's no other word for it.

(mute the music at the bottom of the blog before playing the video)

Mending

Doctors occasionally have to break an already broken bone in order for it to heal correctly. I've been lucky enough to never experience it personally, but I think there's a similar process for mending a heart. When a heart has hardened due to sin, anger, regret, shame, pride, or unrequited love the only way to soften it is to break it again and straighten out the mess. The second break may be made with God's leading and all the love in the world, but it is still going to hurt like hell.

To anyone else dealing with a heartbreak, here are a few words of comfort:
"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; he protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken."
- Psalm 34: 17-20

Finding Our Rhythm

The start of a new calendar year doesn't have as much of an effect on our family as a new semester. So with my class starting up next week, I'm trying to get a much needed routine going in our home. Part of the routine needs to include creative time for me so that I don't go crazy. I tend to hop from project to project but I always fall back on photography, so that's what I'm putting on the schedule. Blogging didn't make the cut so I can't promise that pictures will be posted in a timely manner, but they'll show up eventually.

Here are two random photos just so that I can feel accomplished today.
A few sunbathing turtles... what else would a turtle do on a 70 degree day in January?

And have I ever posted a picture of the 3 of us? They happen rarely. Here we are in our presents from Oregon... true hippie shirts made by people living the dream... I'm so happy Matt humored me and let us all dress alike!

Entering a New Phase

I discovered a new challenge while trying to take a family photo. It is always hard to get a shot when Abby is not talking or moving, but now she is apparently using the camera for her own personal amusement. Using each photo shoot as a chance to surprise us with new expressions. And I have no idea what I'm going to get until I review the photos. See for yourself (and the one with her eyes closed is not just bad timing- she intentionally left them closed and told me those were her "sleepy eyes"):

So in the future there are probably going to be more "abstract" pictures of Abby... at least until she stops being such a comedian or I figure out how to outsmart her.

Quiet Trouble

This is not what you want to see when waking a child from a nap:
1. She's not asleep. 2. The floor is covered in the remains of 20+ band aid wrappers. 3. She is studiously opening yet another one. 4. You can't see any of the opened band aids anywhere.

Bad news: Abby's Christmas box of band aids is empty.
Good news: All the band aids had been placed on top of each other to form a 3 inch thick bandage over her bed's boo boo.

Lesson learned: Just because she's in her bed and quiet, doesn't mean that she is actually napping.

One More Pound...

forgot to add my least favorite thing about Seven Pounds... as if there could be more... one scene shows Will Smith going into an office and the camera zooms in on the door which says, "Department of Children Safety / Department of Family Sevices". Are you kidding me? No one in the entire cast and crew noticed a giant misspelled word? Unbelievable.

Seven Pounds of Frustration

If you have not seen the new Seven Pounds movie with Will Smith, and have any desire or hope to one day see it, then you should probably stop reading and leave this blog for a later date.

Seriously, I'm about to spoil the whole movie for you if you keep going...

Your choice.

I went to see this last night by myself. (I know- "A movie by yourself? That's so sad!" But not for me. I love going to movies alone. After all, when I go with someone else, it isn't like we're spending quality time together. We sit side by side, facing forward, and hopefully don't speak for 2 hours.) Continuing... I went to see Seven Pounds even though I knew it had received some of the worst reviews of all time next to the Waterworld debacle. But poor reviews tend to intrigue me. I just want to see for myself how bad it is. Kind of like tasting something that your friend has just declared disgusting. I should have stayed away.

In all honesty, the movie isn't that bad. The acting is fine. The cinematography is average. There isn't some unresolvable plot confusion like in The Lake House. My problem lies with the content. So here is the plot in a nutshell, aka the spoiler: Will Smith's character has been in a car crash where he is the lone survivor. In order to deal with his remorse and depression, he decides to commit suicide. But before he takes his life he anonymously goes about finding "good" people who need an organ transplant so that when he kills himself he can be their donor.

I was fine while I was watching it. But as soon as it was over, I was furious. I've never felt such strong feelings about the wrongness of a movie. I hate that this movie attempted to somehow glorify suicide. I hate that it tried to make audiences feel like Will Smith's character was such a nice, good guy for donating his organs to these deserving people. I know people who decided to end their lives and there's nothing glorious or selfless about it. I hate the idea that not only did this character believe it was his right to choose when he lives and dies, but the idea that he would also determine whether seven other people live or die is appalling to me. Deciding that you know better than God when your time is up is one big issue, but feeling as though you can also judge the worthiness of someone else's life is unbelievable.

I know the movie is fictional. I know it's just a movie. I know I need to let this go. But I hate that this movie could change the way in which some people think about suicide. That it could make them think that as long as you're generous on the way out, then killing yourself is an acceptable, even noble option.

Now that you know how I feel, aren't you glad I went to the movie alone?

New Year. Same Story.

The days between Christmas and New Year's are some of my least favorite of the year. It's right after we finish opening presents that I have a panic attack. I know I only have 1 week left to make a New Year's resolution and I want my resolution to be perfect... not so difficult that it's impossible, not so easy that it doesn't require work. I don't want it to be a fitness goal because honestly I'm not motivated to get in shape when I know there are at least 2 more months of baggy clothes weather. I don't want it to be a nutrition goal because I know Christmas candy is at least 50% off. I don't want to make a financial goal because as long as we have food on the table and aren't in debt I don't care too much about the green stuff.

So what do I end up resolving? Nothing. That's right- I never make a New Year's resolution. I think there are enough other times in the year that I resolve to change things: my birthday, the first time I put on a swimsuit, each time we go on vacation, whenever I pay a bill late, every July when I see all those academic calendars on sale and think, "this will be the year I use a calendar. I will faithfully carry it with me, write in it and consult it," and then 5 weeks later when I find the same calendar in the backseat of the car covered in a thick layer of lint and cheerio dust. These events are what make me want to get my life in order. Not the fact that it happens to be the last day of December.

To those of you who make resolutions and are brave enough to speak them aloud, I applaud you. It doesn't matter whether you keep the resolution or not... in my eyes, you are already amazing.