It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...
About 10 years ago there was a Robin Williams' movie, What Dreams May Come. Remember it? In the end Robin's character had managed to arrive in "heaven" with his wife and children. His heaven looked like one of his wife's paintings- cottage, trees, fields of flowers. The family was wonderfully happy to gather together again. Even their old dog was there.
I remember thinking after watching the movie: obviously not a Christian film, but what a nice happily-ever-after ending... all the things and people that he loved were going to spend eternity together.
Fast forward to tonight when I read this passage by John Piper:
"The critical question for our generation- and for every generation- is this: If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there?"
Oh.
Made me stop and think. Even made me remember that song we used to sing in school when we gathered at the flag pole to pray. "At my Father's house there'll be a big, big table with lots and lots of food... a big, big yard where we can play football, etc."
How often we focus on everything except the One Thing that matters about heaven.
A rather serious entry, but I had to write it down. Those closest to me know that I continually struggle with the concept of death and heaven. It's hard to put into words. I'm not afraid of the physical pain of dying. I'm afraid of leaving people behind and of not having the same relationships in heaven. I understand that this is a totally emotional thought process. I know it means I put too much emphasis on the wrong things. I believe in heaven, but I know what I experience here. That I love being a child, a wife, a mother, a friend. I believe in heaven, I just can't imagine it. Who can, really? It is supposed to be amazing, perfection, beyond imagination. We are supposed to want for nothing there. Who can imagine not wanting?
One time when my grandad was in the hospital he looked at me and said, "I'm not afraid of dying. If God could make all of this, then heaven has to be pretty good." I've thought about that over the past 3 years, and it always makes me feel a little better. But I'm still scared.
Tonight though, I finished reading Beautiful Boy by David Sheff. At the very end he recounts the end of summer as his family was returning from a trip. His daughter, a fourth grader at the time, who was not raised by religious parents, suddenly said, "But you know, I don't think I will be so scared to die. I think it's like today: the end of a vacation when you are ready to go home."
Who would have thought that from the mouth of a child whom I do not know, I would be given a sense of peace?
And her cheering for the relay team!
I know a few of you out there are with me on watching the Olympics. I also know a few of you (squish) are completely unpassionate about them. I love that the Olympics brings people and countries together, but even more I love that every person has that one favorite event. Swimming is why I watch the Olympics. Gymnastics make me wish I were short and flexible, volleyball makes me wish I were tall and muscular, but swimming just makes me wish I were in the pool. It's the only team sport I ever played. The only sport that I feel comes naturally. And I can not get enough of watching it. Especially when Michael Phelps is in the water. Anyone else just see him win the 200 freestyle? I mean, when you touch the wall, turn around to check the clock, and 2nd place is still swimming towards you- you know you demolished the competition. So far for Phelps- 3 golds, 3 new world records.
Abby and I went for a walk this evening to capture the light in some nearby trees. After I had managed to get a pretty good photo for the day I turned my camera on Abby. And she gave me this face. It's a big kid smile in my opinion, and in this case, nurture definitely trumps nature. The trees can wait for another day. 
On a totally different but equally important note. If there are any of my friends out there reading this who have read the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer, please send me a note. Because I just finished reading the final book this morning (I had to wait until I was done grading papers) and I have a little venting to do. If you haven't read this series, then why are you still reading this blog? Go to your local library and check out Twilight. Kate- go to Half Price Books and buy it. If you don't know where your local library is, send me your name so I can chastise you and then I'll lend you my copy. Yes, the series was written for teenage girls. Yes, it's about vampires. No, it's not cheesy. Yes, it is every bit as good as Harry Potter in a totally different way. Trust me- the first movie will be released in December, so you're going to hear about this for a long time to come. Might as well get a jump on the books!
